The smooth sounds of Maxwell’s ‘Til the Cops Come Knocking’ played continuously as we made love. I could not contain the tears that ran freely from the pleasure he provided. Every part of me felt his love and knew I would never feel this way with any one else. As he gently caressed my breast before taking the nipple into his mouth, I fell deeper into his spell. I straddled him, watching his face as his strong hands held my waist and guided me towards the road of ecstasy. With him it wasn’t the typical orgasm, it was an emotional exchange of promises. I promised to be the woman that stood by his side through the good, bad and indifferent and he promised to be the man to love me pass my pain and teach how to trust and believe. As we reached our peak, we sealed the moment with a kiss that spoke volumes. We were designed for each other.
“Good Morning, Sunshine.” He said as he ran his fingers down the length of my arm.
We lay facing each other as the sun illuminated the room through the sheer ivory drapes. I loved the way I felt in his embrace; so safe and adored. I missed this feeling and hated that it would be weeks before I could feel this way again.
“It’s time to get up, Charisse. We are going to miss our flight.”
The unpleasant thought of returning to reality caused my stomach to knot. I love my children more than anything in this world and would die if anything happened to them but it wasn’t them that caused me to feel this angst towards returning home.
“Can’t we catch a later flight?” I asked as I laid against his chest taking in his scent.
“Come on, baby. We go through this every week.” He kissed me gently on the tip of my nose, then on my lips.
“I know.” I replied as I returned his kisses.
I attempted to detangle myself from him but my body and my heart was at war again and I just couldn’t let go. Instead I pulled closer and tighter.
There was a faint buzzing in the background. I turned to find my cell phone vibrating across the nightstand. Ignoring it wasn’t an option. I learned from past experience if I didn’t answer it, he would. Therefore, I reluctantly grabbed the phone from it resting spot and answered.
“Good Morning.” I chimed as if I were in the best of moods.
“Good Morning, Mom.” Christian replied. His smile reached through the phone.
“Hey, Sweetheart. How are you this morning?”
“Fine. Dad wanted me to call to see what time your flight was coming in?”
“I should be in New York by three.” Arrgh. I thought as I was reminded of what waited for me in New York. Rodney.
“Ok. We will be there. LaGuardia, right?”
“Yes. Is your brother and sister awake?”
“Alaire is awake but Dad is giving her a bath. you want me to get Damien?”
I felt a tug on the sheets then turned to find Rahsaun sitting up reaching for his robe.
“No, Baby. I will call you back in a few. Let me get myself together. I love you.”
“Love you, too.”
After we disconnected, I sat up in the bed and watched as Rahsaun collected his toiletries from the dresser and made his way towards the bathroom. Once he was inside, I buried my face into the sheets reminiscing on our love-making and dreading our separation.
The bathroom door re-opened. Rahsaun’s deep voice filled the room as he asked, “Are you going to join me?”
“One minute, I need to make a quick call.”
Once I heard the shower running, I hit the speed dial.
“Hello.” She answered.
“Hey baby, don’t worry about picking me up. Rodney is coming.”
“Am I going to get to see you tonight? I planned something special.” The disappointment in her tone struck my heart.
“I will try, baby. I promise I will try.”
“Charisse, we really need to talk about this.”
Those words…those words never meant any good.
“We will tonight.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.” I replied.
“Love you, Reesie.”
“And I love you.”
I did love her. I loved to kiss her, feel her, and taste her sweet lips. She excited me and tempted me to go deeper, emotionally. I treasured the moments we shared together and wished the feelings could last forever. Her smooth skin would beckon me to come closer, kiss that spot between her breasts and inhale her scent. The same scent that drove me crazy whenever we were together and kept me longing to see her again. My love for her is and always will be what keeps me hopeful. Although we both have separate lives, and lovers at home, she will be forever be mine and I am forever hers. First loves last forever.
The worst part of being in love is when you lose focus of the struggle and sacrifice endured to make it work. I was in love with Rahsaun because he was everything Rodney was not and still I loved Rodney for everything he promised to be. However, she always had my heart. Rahsaun may not be the same person years from now and may not be what’s best for me then but my future looked cloudy with or without him. Rodney and I had history and over that time our imagined picture-perfect future has became tattered and tarnished. We were a family. He is my husband and the father of my kids however time does not always heal old wounds. She was my first true love. What she and I shared was pure. Yet, it was still so hard to stay and much harder to leave. How did I end up in love with possibilities?
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