Though I pride myself on individuality, how others perceive me and judge me does weigh heavy on my mind. Not that I would ever change who I am because of what someone thinks, but it does play apart on future decision making.
When I started blogging, it was to explore a world I am fond of ... SEX. I am intrigued to no end by sexual liberation. Those that feel free to express themselves sexually excite me. Yet, I feel that people will look at me as some kind of whore for expressing how I feel. So sad is the day and time we live in that people must shield who they really are to avoid slander and degradation. I am no nympho but I do enjoy sex and the thrill of knowing that I can truly satisfy my partner's every need. Love is not solely based on sex, I know this, but honestly without sex a relationship is going to go but so far.
With that being said, how many of us are truly into the art of satisfaction and who are we trying to satisfy the most? Besides God, how do we view our day to day activities in the eyes of those we love and hold dear. Do we take their feelings into consideration when making decisions? Whatever I do, no matter how big or small, I always think of my son, my mom and my spouse. It would tear me apart to think that either of them were dissatisfied with my actions, disappointed in who I have become or have any doubt as to my loyalty to them. For my spouse, I tend to go above and beyond because this is not someone that has any other kind of bond other than emotional, maybe physical. Is it ok to go overboard with trying to please your partner? Do you ever come to a point where your feel that no matter how much you do, they just will never be completely satisfied? When do you find the strength to let them go?
My fear for dissatisfaction, disappointment and doubt provides the gas I need to move on. I know that may sound strange but I am more into the idea of pleasing me before anyone else. Don't get me wrong, I will try to bring something to the table to increase the happiness in our relationship but remember this is a partnership and they must be willing to meet me half-way. If they are truly unhappy, it might just be a reflection of what I am really feeling and at that point there is nothing I could do to change it. However, sometimes I do believe that my fear may also cause me to flea prematurely.
My question to all of you is - Is there anyway to truly give unconditionally of yourself and still remain true to who you are? My favorite saying it, "I can only be me. I been practicing this role all my life." What do you do if you feel like someone wants to change you into someone that you do not recognize? Should your fear hold you captive or fuel you to break free?
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Danette
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